回家

再过两个小时。。。我就要回家了。。算一算。。。我已经离家两个月了。。在这两个月内。。。我是多么的忙。。。多么的累。。。一直在奔跑。。。。回家使我的心情如此的复杂。。。每次回家或回来大学。。。都使我的心情如此的沉重。。。因为每次的来回都有很深的意义。。。家成为我的披风港。。因为。。。心里生病的我。。。受伤的我。。。在家里疗伤。。。也许。。。没有人会了解我的苦。。。我的痛。。。。我也相信没人能在我嬉皮笑脸中。。。猜到我内心。。。其实是多么的xxx。。。
很想。。。在家。。什么都不做。。。过着颓废的几天。。。或只做我想做的事。。。没有时间的压力。。。。不要去想。。。还有多少事还没做。。。。只想享受每一分一秒。。。。好好调好不平衡的心里。。。。好好疗伤。。。家。。。我回来了。。。。

art of boring during class

想法。。。。

难道努力的换来是失望?
当我尽全力,全心全意做到最好,
但结果却是我意想不到的差,
很多东西我不明白?
为什么努力总得不到想要的结果?
难道我做的不够吗?
反而没有努力,没有期望,
得到的是惊讶的结果!
我也开始发现，
1+1 不一定=2，
很多事情不一定有道理，
就是对的，
也许这样让我越来越认识现实，
知道什么叫做人生。。。
虽然很多无奈，
很多难以接受的。。。
都要学会去接受。。。。
很多事情不一定能如你所愿，
不一定你要就可得到。。。
这是我远离家乡，
向人生老师所学到的真理。。。。

gender disorder???

haha.........it was claim by en wan that i have gender disorder....mb some of action tat i done make ppl feel i was L.....actually it juz way i show closeness n friendliness wit my frens..........deep in me i noe i m normal........sure....even though i keep say how beauty a gal was n keep talk abt her......undenied .......i more close to gals than guy .....mb my childhood i spend most of time wit gal...plus... i more trust gal than guy.........n they was some gal that i admire them..........i admire of for who are they ....n also they good n bad....i always have a strange instinct or feeling of like a gal i meet.......nt tat kind of love......i was like a strong attractiveness.....mb she has a very special things wit her...tat make me like n attract by her.....i did ask why i like a person n admire them....mb deep in me....i search the image i want to fit in.....tat person make me feel i wan to be like her...........mb i still not sure who is me.....i still blur on my own identity n search for suitable image i wan wear..............i know i had serious problem nt really noe who am i? i keep search my real self.............n wat the purpose i stay alive.......who i wan to be.........wat i wan to do?????by the way ...i think i m normal in term of gender..........

first impression

it was very strange feeling......sum ppl can give me have a kind of warm n friendly feeling when first meet them...........there are few ppl make me feel a kind of closeness wit them.....i experience it......... when i met my cousin who i never mey for 10+yr.....we never meet be4 .....bt they give me very friendly and warm feeling when the first time i meet them ............tat was my first time noe how they look like......my parents keep tel me i hav cousin at there n they all very sweet n friendly ..........when i meet them...i was like wat my parents tell me...mb we cant run from the relative.....ship we hav..........i rmb vividly my cousin show me her hand to help me passs through small gap.....it was so sweet....a small action which make me feel warm n affectionate...sometime, we dont need big action to show love bt small action like a smile is huge enough to cheer n bring happiness to other....mb deep in me i wan a sister.....a sister like them.....i always wish i have older sis ....who i can treat her as frens.....as my close buddy......i admire those have good relationship with they sis.......while ppl will admire me for being the only child...haha...it was life....ppl tend wan something they never have n wish to had it n never appreaciate wat they have.......