MY STORY

I had mixed feeling right now. Actually I cannot catch what I m thinking in my mind. But one thing for sure is that I got a lot of rubbish emotion and feeling keep accumulates. My heart is imbalance. I know if this condition continues, it will bring another wave of depression. I try my very best to manage my emotions and problems. Before I solve or manage my problems, there raise another wave of problems. I m getting more problems that unsolved. Or in other way those problems is tough to solve. It not as easy like ABC .Especially, I try to change my lifestyle .I want a new me, a more perfect me. Changing yourself really require a lot persistent and courageous, Cause I nearly give up of forget what I plan to change. Maybe there are too much things to changes. There still need more effort and longer time to change. That why every night is a nightmare 4 me. When I close my eyes, I see a lot of problems raise up. That sure lower down my sleep quality. And of cause I struggle for few hours before I finally sleep. The next morning, I wake up with tired body and headache.
Recently, I face many hard decision, Give up my thinking to reality, face a lot rejected, and as well as my relationship with others. It seem like everything’s came in one, People used to said when u bad luck, there more bad event following you. IT Seem like a curse for me. Since form 4, I face a lot of rain and thunder storm. Sure, I face a lot of failure and going thought a lot of down moment. My luck also din get well when I has decide to step into dark and horrible adult stage, it make my ways even darker .No matter how hard I try to find my ways out ,it still like without a dim of light to shine my direction .In darkness, of cause I fall down and hurt frequently . sometime ,I even feel numb about bad things happen to me. Even in emergency moment, I keep stay calm and cool .maybe it just small bad things compare to what I face before. I know there is a block that blocks my happiness .Tell u the truth; I lose my real happiness long ago. Do u know why I said real happiness .It because real happiness is a happiness u face that make u memories forever. The 20 year journey of my life , like walking though a marathon .I dun even remember what I have went thought this 20 years. Or even worse I don’t know who am I? And dun even knows which character I act in this society. I keep telling myself I want to be successful woman in this world .but it seems like a dream more than reality. I also not really sure how much dream I had throw away. Now ,i really wish raining stay away of me and hope to have bright future. I believe there better tomorrow waiting for me.

TWO ‘HER’ I ADMIRE!
Of course I won`t tell who are they. But they really influence me a lot. But one thing’s for sure is that both of them have quite the same behavior and attitude. Maybe is they common attitude make me admire them. One day, I sit down and think. Why I admire them? What make me admire them? In a flash of light, I Know the answer .It was because THEY HAVE SOMETHING that I LACK OF. I WANT TO BE LIKE THEM. It was they have the attitude I want myself to have. What attitude? It was not fear to present them emotion, not fear to reject other, not fear to express them feeling. It all about FEAR! I simply fear when doing a lot of things. It set me back and makes me lost a lot of chance .It pretty sad. I think my fear is come from failure and rejection. It my negative experiences that make me become so afraid to lose and reject. Let me tell the story about them. In fact, both of them are the great people and successful in certain area . First Her ,she really good in academic and social life. She has her own personality. Haha , quite fierce and brave. She really good in scolding and argue with people. Ai, I think she should become debater. Sure she can be the best debater. Cause she got a bunch of reason to fight her fact with you. As long as she got her point, she with argue with you until you raise white flag! she is a straight forward person, if she dislike or unapproved what you doing, her face surely show everything .Ha, when she angry ,you better run away ,cause her voice can be cover five km area and can make you lose you hearing. So awesome leh, so every time she angry, no one dare to make any noise. All people worry they might be her target of shooting. Now, let talk about the other Her. She quite success in her career. At her young age ,she can consider a successful person. At first sight, she really acts and behavior certain ways like the first HER that I admire. I feel them somewhere alike. A certain movement or expression so much like the other HER. Sometime, I question whether they are twin in mental. Even physical alike twin doesn`t mean mentally alike. When I first saw her, she really look fierce like a tiger gonna to eat me. Then after get along with her sometime, I feel she only a bit aggressive nia. She really a playful and humor person. But when she angry she will tear off the whole building. And she makes u feel shame by scolding u in front of other. Luckily I haven`t be her target yet. But when she really in mood, she will treat u like your best friend, laughing and playing with you. The most common thing between them is they like to bully me and make me look like so pity. Then smile for the winning. They always saying something that make me jump high and make me uneasy …then they feel satisfies .how can got people like them? What to do, I m a strange person that like someone behave aggressive and oppose me. It so sweet and wonderful to have person we admire. It make me care a single move and single way they act. In order ways, they can be my teacher to fight with my fear. Moreover it really sweet to think all they good DEED to me and replay all memory about them really make me feel wonderful and sweet. One thing is they BAD and GOOD is not a matter for me anymore. Cause they plant a good image in my mind. Hope they have a bright and wonderful future.

Dream !

Close my eyes,
Full of tears,
There is sadness,
That overflows my mind.

The reality that cruel,
It kills my heart,
Endless pain I feel,
Until it turn numb.

Every word you said,
Every move you make,
Is repeating in my mind,
Like a film playing.

It was a tornado,
Who swipe away my entire dream?
Now My dream vaporized in air,
And become tear in my eyes!

How many reality I need to see,
I feel insecure standing at the end of road,
There was no much choice to choose
One of the choices is give up.

SICHUAN EARTHQUAKE

The 7.8 earthquake that happen in china have bring a tragic to human .In fact, it had killed great figure of people in china. It really sad when u saw many people dead in TV and read news that figures of people dead increased each day. One thing I see from the nature disaster is LOVE AND KINDNESS of human which has been hiding due to our hectic lifestyle. You can see all party of emergency department and all the volunteer social workers have done after they earthquake. We can see they sacrifice themselves and they small family to complete the great mission .TO SAVE AND HELP AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE .They put other people life as priority. I really have to say I m proud of them .Every of them is my heroes of me and the nation of china. Besides that, volunteers from all over the world rush to the scene to help and send the necessaries goods to all the survivors also make me realize there still got love inside every human heart and we are not a devils that only care for ourselves. If I got choice or know how to help ,sure I will straight flight to china and do whatever I can do for them ,instead of sitting here listen , read or watch the news. Moreover anyone who didn’t go to china to help, they still show there kindness and caring by donate money for them. You read in newspaper, who or what organization, give how much donation. It a good sigh that human still have love and kindness to give. Instead of only caring for themselves and the money they have. There were many angels born behind this disaster. The other things I saw behind the disaster is the amazing survivor which still didn’t give up they life after been trap for several days without foods and drinks. They don`t give up attitude should learn by all of us .And for those who chose commit suicide as the way of solving the problems; you have to think twice and be sorry for them. For people who live peacefully and happily here we have to appreciate what we had and do whatever we can do to help the victims of disaster. At here, I mourn for the dead and bless for those who survive.

Psychology Or Business?

Ai,this ques really bother me for such a long period. I dunno which courses should i choose ...really headache when want to carefully decide ,coz my future is depend on my today decision.I just don`t want end up regret and blame myself for wrong decision. I found out i like psychology two year ago.Actually i not really bother about it existence before , and don`t know what it about.Until last 2 year when i join counselling club,i have more info and chance to get know it.then i found out psychology is what i looking for. It like finally found my way out since i been lost my way and direction quite long time.But there still got doubt and fear in me to study and choose this course.I know someday psychology will be the most popular and demand course.Even myself like this course a lot !I don`t dare to make decision to study psychology is i can see the future of it!i mean the job opportunity and the job field are none of what i ever think before.I never think to be social worker,cause i know i m not the type of caring and loving person.If u ask me to be counsellor,i will said i m not a good communicator and i dun really sure i like that job.Then if u ask me to be a psychologist if everyday i deal with psycho problem then i will end up to be patient of myself.Even a lot people ensure me that psychology is wide and bright course course it apply in our everyday routine,but i still got some kind of feeling that it not my cup of tea!What i really like to work is as a successful businesswoman or entrepreneur.I keen to work in corporate world as it suit my dream to become super rich woman.Besides ,i got at least 5o% like business course.Then something,i would think that business pathway are too compete and abundance of people choose that path.Can be said 1/3 of population choose bussiness,so it seem like to many bussiness graduate that the job available ,thus it lead unemployed.except u really a good bussiness graduate with all the soft skills,then ur chance to survive is much higher.So,both course got pro and con.Both course i like.I really don`t know how to choose.One thing is a few local university like HELP university and Monash University provide combination of bussiness and psychology.At first i target on Monash University ( Bachelor of psychology anf bussiness) But ,the course fee simply make me faint!It too much than i can afford.Then i now still consider bussiness psychology at Help University.I just need more time to choose.If anyone got any information about both of this course o now u are undergraduate ,i hope u can give some advises and comments.

Time to break!!!!

Time to Break!
Does u ever dream u live in the way u like? Able sleep as long as u want, without being wake up by noisy and annoying alarm clock. Do whatever u like without concerning how much time u use and also without a long lists of schedule to follow….It was dream of everyone......and that easy and relay life has become a part of my life recently…Everyday, I can sleep until noon, thus my breakfast had become my lunch. Then, I will turn on the TV and live with it for the rest on my day... but not that worse lah, the most I watch tv is 5 hour per day…u may ask where the rest of hour I spend…well, I spend one or two hour taking nap…and the whole evening surfing net…U might wonder why I live so free n relax life? Cause I want to enjoy my life ….No lah, just kidding! I just take the opportunity to rest and give myself a break before I step into university soon. Moreover it was a reward for me. In Past few months, I live in tiring ,busy, stressful days , I went to work as soon as I finish the stpm war…make myself get into another rat race…At first, working is a new game for me and I feel fresh about it. Moreover I like my job very much and the most important is all my colleagues treat me well and teach me a lot …but soon, I getting tired in mentally and physically ..A day work can take away my energy and precious time. I don`t even have time to read books I plan to read to go where I want to go, to do the things I plan to do months ago….and etc. Then I quit that job after few months...my plan is to go for better and short working hour job...i did found it… I start worked the next day of my previous company last day. It not a good sign cause me still haven`t get out of tiredness…the continuous rat race really make me getting weak and lose my passion for working anymore..So I quit my second job after few days worked. I plan to give myself a break and as well as planning my future...it also give myself more time to know myself well and also to find way out of a big maze!!! Tell u the truth, living in such relaxing life really make me uncomfortable. I used to live in busy life. Suddenly slow down my path make me miserable a few days….by now I adjust quite well and feel more enjoying my life….For those, who had worked non- stop or live in hectic life for most of ur life…give urself a break…cause u might become more passion for ur future and see a better future .who Know u might gained more than what u have miss during racing!!!

HOW OUR MINDS WORKS?

HOW OUR MINDS WORKS?

Our you want after finish reading... I would like to share my recent find out with everyone who still wants to continue reading. minds are the most amazing complex system that makes us, as human differ from other organisms in the world. But most of human don’t know how to use it well. Why? It because that certain people include me couldn’t see how our mind does magic by making our dream came into reality! No kidding, it real. Now, you might think I am telling rubbish here. But wait... You can make any comment..thank!!! I think it really selfish if I keep this knowledge on my own .Besides, it really sad that the figure of people who don’t ever bother how the mind work to bring them to success. I m sorry to said I not yet success….but I found out there was 5 mental laws which help us success ….let me intro

1st mental law:
Law of cause and effect
It is basic law in the universe. Every action or event in your life, there was cause and effect. What you had inserted in your minds (Manner of thinking), will bring the outcome of what you put (the effect you experiencing now). You will get what you plant. The same theory apply to our mind, you will get what you want (effect) by insert the right input to you mind (cause). It impossible for you to get an A in exam when you keep reminds yourself how poor u did in last exam. In order to get A, you need to remind yourself that you can!

2nd mental law:
Law of control
It says that whatever you first decide to accept responsibility for you are able to control. Control your life requires accepting 100% responsibility for all your thoughts and action. As examples, you can control you thought by not taking drugs, not fighting and etc.It is YOU that control you minds! So, the quality of your minds is under your control. Sometimes, you saw people take drugs, It was themselves who NOT ABLE to control their mind well and lead to such illegal action.

3 rd mental law
Law of Belief
It says that whatever you first come to accept and believe ,become your reality .You have your own right to choose what to belief and the result base on your choice. Belief can bring u toward success and as well as bring you toward failure. If you have positive thought, then you tend to bring out positive outcome. Like the way you belief in god, the belief have give you a unknown power to do something that you think god is helping u ,but actually is the power of minds that lead you to what you wish! The most blind and false belief is self-limiting belief which lead to self-defeating. Self – limiting is main block to limit you to achieve higher. It limits what you actually can achieve.

4 th mental law
Law of concentration
You can develop success consciousness by concentrating successful outcome; equally, you can develop failure consciousness by concentrating unsuccessful outcome. You must first create mentally what you want to bring about physically, for when you adopt the mental view, you move more than halfway toward goal.

5 th mental law
Law of attraction
You ‘ll be surprised at how many good things and circumstances you’ll instinctively attract to yourself if you are positive, feel good about yourself, and are up to life. But it works boths ways. You’ll also be surprised at how many negative things and circumstances you’ll attract to yourself if you are pessimistic, feel bad about yourself, and are generally down on life.