BEGIN 2010 SIGN THE END 2009

only left few day we hav to wave goodbye to 2009. in 2009 many things have happen to me.too many when i played back the happening of the year.it was the year with many changes and decision making. many bad had happen more than good one and i have gone throught countless up and down moment in this year. it was the turning point when i know my appeal change courses success. it was the most delight and happy moment in this year. i remember vividly i so happy that day i know the news.it has been the most truly happy that came from my heart.i told myself, this is turning point of my life. here i m begin the journey of psychology. undoubtly it was tough journey i choose. bt i proud of myself that i m doing and studying something i like. before 2009 begun, i read some fortune book, i remember it mention this year i will face some conflict with other. it truth, it happen.mb it was coincident. i m the kind of person that dun like conflict. bt i cant avoid it coz it was a part of our life. just like u cant find all the people in the world like u, some will dislike u for non reason. the truth is this conflict stil impact on me and haunted me. it hard for me to forget what has happen and for me to maintain n repair what has broken. many times, it played in my mind. i just wished we have happy ending. i did. many frustrated things had happen this year, when i looked back, it amaze me that i have went through all and i wont want to go throught again. it was a year that i learn a lot. 'u learn from ur mistake' just like this sentence , more bad things happen make me learn.i always tell myself when u fall down u feel pain, therefore u avoid another fall and go further. bt when u at the peak of glory, u tend to forget ur real self and therefore u ready for the fall. this year i m glad to hav psykid this big family. i m so happy we now so close each other and all of them are the energy and motivation to help me forward. this year is most busy year i had esp last sem. so i will expecting another busy year coming.even thought this year is a tough, hectic, up n down year,i still feel great i hav went through it. hope 2010 will be much more better year for me.

收拾抽屉。。。。总会让我。。。回想过去。。。。看自已好久。。没动但收了好久的心灵的小纸条。。。。有我好多怀念的过去。。。我最爱收拾。。。整理房间。。。抽屉。。。它带给我好多回忆。。。也让我怀念。。。这是我发现。。。其中我爱的心灵粮食。。。好有意思。。。好有意义。。。

没有永恒，承诺成了多余。
一片枫叶,似火非是火,燃烧风雨中,百树领风骚。
寂寞的心,多了回忆相伴,只能越陷越深。
童年最信赖,从不收起来;长大欲悲哀,自寻烦脑塞。
沮丧的心情,就像那冰冷的海洋。
泪总是最深的记忆,泪总最遥不可及。

突然。。我发现。。。原来快乐。。。可以很简单。。原来听一首歌。。。听一个小故事。。。放松心情。。。。多一点的满足。。。。多一点的知足。。。。多一点的感恩。。。。都可以感到幸福。。。有时。。。我总会觉得。。。。人总会做很多的事情。。总以为得到自已想要的东西。。。就会快乐幸福。。。。我想如果我们偶尔。。。为一些小的如沙的事情或东西。。。感到幸福。。。那么。。。幸福。。与。。快乐。。。总会在我们身旁。。。。有时。。。我觉得自已看得太远。。。跑得太快。。。。为很多东西忙。。。。活得紧张压力。。。到最后。。。并不知道自已要什么。。。盲忙得度过每一天。。。。有时。。。真的应该停下来。。。松一口气。。。感受放慢的生活。。。快乐。。。幸福。。。。的活在当下。。。。

谢谢~妈妈

刚收到，
妈妈寄来爱心+加油parcel.....
当我打开时，
看到妈给我的一些干粮，
和有我要的人参。。
前几天，
我总跟妈说，
‘我没时间出去买东西，房间的干粮快给我吃完。。’
妈就问我要什么，
她寄过来给我，
我只说
我需要一些人参来提神。
当我受到妈给我的东西，
我感到妈的爱。。。
感到她的关怀。。。
感到一股加油的力量。。
也感动了我。。
其实，
爱
有时不必说出口，
有时只要一些小动作，
就可以传达爱的信息。。。
妈。。
谢谢你。。。
在我最需要时，给我力量！

往窗外望，
天快要下起雨，
它好似如我现在的心情，
乌黑的天空，
代表我忧伤的心情，
挂起风，下起雨，
如我的心在哭泣。
要是有一首歌，
可让我开心，
要是有任何东西，
可让我快乐，
那有多好。。。

在那黑夜的晚上，
你问我累不累，
因为我一直，
马不停地的奔跑，
使你很难跟随我的脚步。。
我却说。。
我已习惯了，
也不知何时，
我开始不懂得停，
放慢脚步，
我深知自已有多累，
有无数的伤痕，
有无数的伤口，
因为在奔跑的当儿，
我一直在跌倒，
受到N次的受伤，
然后，我又爬起来，
再奔跑。。。。
其实我不怕跌倒受伤，
我只怕自已没勇气爬起来，
所以，我很庆幸，
还能在每次的跌倒，
站起来，
再向前跑。
也许这样的过程才能让我成长吧！

渐渐的，
雨也停了，
太阳也随着高挂，
我的心情也变好了，
我依然相信，
雨后总会出现彩虹。。

commitment!!!!!!!!

a sudden thought of my previous job experiences.......make me feel i lack commitment in working....which i want to improve it ........last 2 job.....make me realise i totally no hav commitment in it.....first job, ....when interview...i told the manager i can work 6 months....coz it was long holiday after stpm......bt at the end.....i worked for only 3 months.....if nt because of term n condition that i need pay few hundred for the uniform then i sure resign in a month.....then the second one more worse..........ai can imagine i only work for 5 day!!!! that job cause me feel stress ...coz when free i will be very free....when busy...then i will busy until need overtime........even thought it was a great experiences which i learned a lot from there even 5 day...i run away before i sign the contact...if nt i will struck in that company at least 1 yr...........luckly the manager is so good and pay me for working 5 days....haha which i told i wil be work for free..................coz of lack commitment........ai......look like if this condition keep continue in my future....then how many job i would change???? it time for me to change and increased my commitment.......i had to shape my commitment...

random thought!!

study ....study .....my life now is full of study.....

sometime,this continous rushing ,

do make me unbreathable,

sometime it make emotional.

When u keep busying moving forward,

u seem forget and left a lot behind,

when u lose the precious things,

u start regret and feel appreaciate.

Sometimes, i wish i could escape,

to some place that i could be free,

but too sad i cant find some place like that,

when i keep blame the bad environment,

maybe i should look inside me,

the problem is in me,

not the environment.

Why i bother change environment?

instead nt to change me,

bt i have become so sturborn to change,

maybe time is good teacher,

to change me.

I keep thinking,

where am i , in 10year,

what i will doing?

maybe i suppose,

care about present,

live in every moment,

and enjoy it.

so enjoy the exam period....coz i know i gonna miss it when i didnt have chance to take exam in future....all the best..........

the world is unfair!!!!

why some people born in rich and stay luxury,
why some people born in poor and struggle?

why some people have status, money and everything,
why some people don have status, money and have nothing!

why some people so lucky,
why some people so unlucky?

all those why??????????appear in my mind???ya....world is never a place which is fair to all of us....no matter how many thing we shout unfair and feel how unfair a situation..........we always came to an extend that we cant do anything to change!!!!! actually......it good for me to know the rule of the world early....it because outside world are more violent and more unfair event waiting me to face..........unfair is just only one of world game rule.....since we live in this world.....and become one of the player....we have no choice but have to play smart....and become great player......


this unfair feeling came, when i watched the firm last 2 episode....which a corporate compete for a position in tune money company......it a great movie tat teach me a lot lesson.....one of bigger lesson is........the world is unfair........why ????????it because a gal ,jennifer who perform consistent well at all the task and shine thoughout all the way to final 4 .....bt she lose focus on last task n did one time badly on tat task.......ya......and i don even feel she did badly in tat task....she seem brilliant and great leader all the way...............bt wat shock me...is she terminate and lose in final 4......since begining, i predicted she will become at least final 2...and the firm winner....to my disappointment..........those who i think not suitable , not a good leader, emotional,play save become winner.......argghh...the result trouble me...........and i make me think a lot....i believe jennifer also feel shock to the result...and feel unacceptable....bt all the decision is on the ceo hand.....is his choice to choose who to work at his company...so wat can other do....no point shout unfair....coz he got everything to make u down........

we cant change the world, bt one thing we can do .......is change our perception, our thinking..........we only can change our inner world......i believe there still many unfair event i will face in this world........bt as long as we know the rule....we will become a great player..........before enter working life...........learning abt the world is crucial.....learn abt the rule......learn to be a great player is difer from scoring 4.0 in exam......it about survival...i think it important everyone hav pic of the world outside...before enter it......coz it save u from fall down and learn more painful lesson...

why not help?

it was night time when couple stroll in the well-known park in town.......it was a great night to walk and also enjoy the moonlight.........actually they are waiting for the child to finish work and send her back...........suddenly a bike come from the back............then in flash moment..........something emergency happen........the bike appear to be snatch thief.....where they snatch the handbag of that women.........hopeless at the particular moment.............the women was in shock while the man seem want to catch up the bike.......there are a lot motorist pass by and some ppl walking .........if one of motorist apppear helpful then the thief can be stop.........but no one help........the thief juz escape like that....izzit at the particular moment all the motorist cant see it was an emergency?????o the situation is too dark to make them see the clear picture..........o it was ambiguous situation where the bystander thought there are a movie shooting!! o the bystander said it none of my bussiness..it not my responsible ........i m not the police...........o there are ppl who know how to deal wit the thief...........o the just think this is another snatch case.........i cant do anything.............o the scare the thief have weapon that might hurt them.....o the media influence which tell ppl it nt worth to help-newspaper on last few publish a news about a kind helper that help police to stop the crimimal and get hurt coz being shoot by police...........o it simply that the world is too unsafe to being helpful......who know u might become victim coz of show help...........does that mean help someone will cause risk to urself.......prosocial behavior ..........o simple there are hard to find a real altruism which unselfish care for other welfcare........o there are reasons ppl dint help??????????????

满足！！

突然觉得时间过得很快。。。也觉得时间很短。。。不够用。。时间在我不知觉中。。。得流走。。。真的开始觉得自已老了。。。。时间也越来越少了。。。可是要做的事情越来越多。。。。一直满足不了自已的欲望。。。当达了一个。。另一个会出现。。。所以我有一堆没完没了的事情。。。可能我很贪心吧？？？要的东西很多。。。。想要的东西更多。。。。有无限的要求。。。。不懂为什么我不会满足。。。还记得爸妈总会说。。。你真的不知足的小孩。。。一直要这要那。。。。。我总会回答。。。。现在的我。。。不可以那样容易满足。。。因为这是我为我的人生拼命的时候。。。虽然现在的我。。。。还没有任何成就。。。但我要努力。。。不然我以后会后悔。。。。。哈哈。。。可能这种难满足自我要求。。。使我。。难的到快乐吧？？？

why???

the whole nite i din sleep well.....coz thinking the reason why?????
time has pass so long bt i seem dint help to cure the scar..........
time has pass so long to make everything turn less intense...........
i thought there are turning point....
at first, it seem all going well,
and it seem getting better.....
but why it turn out to be reverse?????
i keep thinking......what wrong?????
i cant find the answer....
ai .....i thought time is good medicine to cure.....
but it still ...........nt proven....
what should i do??? i doesnt know???

RELATIONSHIP

it is an interesting topic to talk....it relate to our life..Relationship can be with family, friends, spouse, colleague, +++ it mean an interdependent - which 2 person influence each other lives.......to maintain a relationship...it require skills+effort+commitment...it can be the tougher job to be able maintain a good relationship ...it seem follow roller coaster....up n down......sometimes relationship make us feel suffer.....bt something it bring us happiness....i cant imagine what life would be if without relationship???? no one is an island.it show us ..we can live alone in this world.....what if we cant have relationship wit other o fail in relationship test??? -it may end up loneliness......but i did feel loneliness sometimes in my life...i wonder whether i fail in form n maintain relationship....mb due to ...the reason i dun hav siblings...which my early experience without peer interpersonal learning....undenied...my childhood has lack something....even i hav my cousin and neighbour to play with me....it differ when u hav sibling which u hav to face them everyday...i did wish i has a older sister....which can guide me,protect me, and become my best friend...i do admire those who has sister....sister is the one who she had walk the path and open the way for u...which mean can hav a mentor ...who give n teach u experience of life...so great if i has a sis...it really sweet...which i can share my feeling..my life...my story with her....bt i dun have this luck yet....family is the early place where relationship form.....it where we first expose n form relationship wit parents......n it where the attachment came....it show degree of security experience in interpersonal relationship....it lead me to maslow need which security is one of our second stage of need.........imagine how strong the structure wit the weak foundation...therefore..we can see how important this early attachment to our later life...in social psychology attachment influence by self esteem(how we self evaluation) and interpersonal trust(belief other people)....both influence the attachment style one has.....for those we always form lasting and good relationship with other...undoubtly...they hav secure attachment with high self-esteem and high interpersonal trust....on the other hand....i hav a friend who low in self esteem and low interpersonal trust....she avoid close relationship...she unable form happy relationship with other......so sad she has the fear-avoidant attachment....while i think myself is with preoccupied attachment which i desire to form relationship but i scare i wil be rejected in relationship......it truth that i hav low self-esteem bt lucky i had high interpersonal trust..i trust everyone in the world is angel n i hate to see the devil side of ppl sometimes.......i believe trust is the basic requirement for forming relationship.....if u dun trust a person u wont even bother the person.......besides relationship wit family...the other important relationship is friendship....it belief it easy to form it but hard to keep it well.....i had one friends which i noe for nearly 11 year..i know her since primary 4...during that time i thought i hav found a best friend...bt..the friendship fade with time...nw we seem only facebook friend...only chat one a yr....n haven meet again in 3 yr....then..i again meet a best friend at my secondary school...we have know for 8 yr....now we still best friend...i glad i had one....we spend time together (now become less coz distant barrier) ....i usually speak us and we ....we plan so this n that.......i will talk to her when i down as well as i m happy...she always lean me her ears n her shoulder when i sad....when i in front of her.......i act moderate....i totally myself........i tel her anything of my life.....bt since i busy wit all those assignment, activities , exam....it has reduce time we chat n talk...........n we cant hang out as usual....i wish this obstacle wont make our friendship go downpour.......
relationship is very common to our life...it our everyday life...that mean we will form relationship , manage, and maintain relationship from time to time.....do u ever think relationship wit other is like some kind of god creation.....it a gift for us....god wont make us walk alone in the life path...so do appreaciate every relationship we have..............

do do do , rush rush rush!!!

do assignment .......rush the dateline.....life is about chasing time.......running nonstop marathon....there are no time to take deep breath....time has pass to fast to stop and enjoy.....every moment is precious when lacking of it........everyday has been a day with a lot of agenda and full of work to do.....life is not only running but it need speed......to fight with the time.....to deal with the bunch assignment......there is no time to waste.........what left is the time for sleep...........came to the worst is the sleep time has to reduce........to stay awake and alert.....and work like a bull..........

My 7 yr school magazine~~

from volume 37-43 the palm....frm 2001-2007..........it was my 7 yr secondary school( smk green road) magazine..suddenly feel time pass so fast....my secondary yr has passed....all left was memory...it so precious and was a part of my development.....all this 7 books was so special and memorable magazine to me....full of pic of every class in school...article.....activities bulletin...etc....sometime when i flip through....it play back the old friends n old days....sometime i will wonder how all of them doing........where r them?hehe....mb i getting old gua....coz usually old ppl like to rmb back the days of their past ...oh my god...i at the state of ego integrity vs despair...which last stage of psychosocial - erik erikson.....i m old lehhh...hahaha.but it good to think old days....past...which i tell me how far i have gone...how much i hav grow??

back ukm!!

Tmr was time to back ukm.........it time to face reality again.......i have escape frm the reality ............assignmentsssssss and examsssssssss....ai...truth is i still feel heavy and lack motivate to continue the journey.......i know it is hard.....but i still need to face the truth....here i bc...........begin the journey of psychology...

挑战！！

我知道人生是充满挑战的，但是。。。。。我从第二年的第一学期开始，挑战一个接一个的考验我。。。。
每一天都是充满挑战的。。。。无数的挑战真的使我越来越无助，使我麻木了！！刚才，我和朋友一起出去玩。。。难得有机会，放慢脚步，轻松一下。。。。但因为开斋节的到来，使我们的外出冲满了各各挑战，而交通是我们最大的问题。。。不只。。老天不做美。。。。整天下着雨。。。。使我们成为落汤鸡！！！还好。。。。我们的计划可进行，只是。。用的时间较长。。。一却都很顺利的进行。。。我也看了一场戏，唱了四小时的k。。逛了几小时的街。。。但。。。。在我要回的时候，我发现我房的钥匙不见了!这次又来这么大的挑战。。。。哎。。。但我却很冷静的语气告诉我朋有：‘我钥匙不见了！’。。。我朋友用很怪的眼神看我一下。。。很怀疑的问我：‘你开玩笑吗？’。。为什么你看来很冷静。。。不像不见钥匙紧张的样子！！！可是。。。。我只说：‘紧张或情绪化又有什么用呢？？？能解决我的问题吗？我一直有一个信念。。。。无论任何事发生。。。自已要冷静下来。。。。可能我面对太多这种得突发事件吧！！使我已有了准备。。。。这只是我今天面对挑战的小部分而已。。。由于开斋节的到来，我又订了迟回的机票。。。我又要面对去机场的交通问题。。。还要面对一个人在没人的宿舍。。。讲真的,我有点害怕,尤其是在夜晚时！！但我要勇敢起来。。。。一直告诉自已。。。没有什么可帕的。。。。回想以前的我。。。。我会和爸妈撒娇。。。说害怕，要他们陪我。。。。但现在的我。。。没有任何选择。。。只好面对。。。来到这。。。我真的学会勇敢面对。。。无论挑战有多大。。。我还是去面对。。解决。。。没有什么东西是难得。。。只是在于自已。。。要不要。。。努不努力。。。。想不想去做。。。去解决。。。虽然我所面对的。。。可能对其它人来说，只是小部份。。。。但是对我而言。。。是我成功的一小步。。。也是我成长的一大步。。。

为了做而做！！！

当下的我真的感到我真的为了做而做。。。。。。。开着电脑，我一直往着我没什么进展的工课。。脑袋完全是空的。。。。我的心也是。。。我想尽快把工课完成。。。然后，我的假期不会那么的忙。。。我只希望自已能有一个休息的时候，让一切停顿。。。。可是我越紧张要赶完我的工课，我越觉得辛苦，苦的是因为不想再做下去，但内心一直的挣扎要我去做。。。。就这样我在这两个钟。。。一直在苦熬。。。。 但还是那一面。。。。无有什么进展。。。人却越来越累。。。讲真的，我不知道我在做什么。。。。那两个钟。。。。我为了做而做。。。。却不懂我做什么！！！我真的越来越不明白。。。。工课的意义在那里？？而那么多的工课是在帮我还是害我呢？？？真的不明白，为什么，教授总爱给我们一大堆的工课。。。。。。让我们吃不消。。。。而给了我们压力。。。。到底，我来大学是增加我的智慧，学习的。。。。还是。。。成为工课的奴婢。。。。唉。。。。

english!!!

i wonder why i feel so down right now....i been influence by emotion again....what cause my emotion arise? mb i know the answer .....is because i feel that i spoke broken english...improve my english is always my primary goal...it never fade in my mind...and i know how important english in our life...ya...but i wonder since when my english didnt seem to improve but to my horror is it is decaying ....due to lack speaking,expose, reading english material....i hate the feeling of going backward....o no improvement....i willing to face the reality to learn english no matter how hard..no matter how ppl laugh at me when i pronoun wrongly...no matter how discourage when u speak in front of fluent english speaker......bt nowadays, i seem no time to allocate time for my english improvement...and the worst things is my learning environment which make english improvement become hard task...which everyday i need to translate eng-malay...vice versa....i not really like bm...it truth that my bm is not good....n what else i can do...bm is a must in this country...my life now bring no choice to me.......what i study now is mostly malay...what i speak most in my life now...definitely not english....sometimes when the thought of studying my course using malay medium really torture me.....i need to search the translation n check dictionary .....n the most concern things is the quality of study in malay medium...which move our focus of mastering my course to do a good translation...n the worst is time wasted in translating....thinking about this make me feel more miserable...which we dont have the power to change the future...and we cant make any differ to it...even if we took action to change the medium of language but it will take time for university policy to be implement it...and that time ..i had been graduate....how sad ...since i cant change the facts, fate, policy, environment i at..the only thing is change myself...ya...i m flexible in changing....hope to see my small leap progress in improve my english....jia you!!!

不知道！！

我越来越不了解自已。。。。我真的不知道我要的是什么？？？当的到我想要的东西时，我并不是想像中的那么快乐，反而一点感觉都没！！！什么才能让我快了呢？？？我在想这真的是我要的吗？？？假如是我想要的东西，我应该高兴才对。。。。但我。。。。为什么？？？难道。。。。我只为了做而做，为了活而活吗？？？我好像不知自已，为了什么而努力，为什么活在这世界。。。。
眼看别人比自已更了解自已，我却是那个最不了解自已的人！！！！我是不是该停下脚步。。。重新来寻找我自已呢？？？

最近，自已好像活在自已的世界。。。我不想和任何人沟通，只想一个人，和社会脱离，活在自已的小小世界里。。。。不知为什么自已越来越来不喜欢吵杂的场面。。。。只喜欢独自一个人。。。我是不是得了什么独闭症呢？

那一个痛的记忆！

那一夜，
刻在心中，
时刻的回想，
痛在心中。

想了好多夜，
哭了好几次，
我知道，
这次我又跌好伤。

我不想信，
眼前的事实，
我不能接受，
这无法改变的事实。

为什么，
努力换来的是那样的成果，
为什么，
期待带来的是失望。

很想把这记忆忘掉，
但它已深入藏在记忆，
无论什么办法，
我还是放不下。

虽然过了一段时间，
但我还放不下，
今天它又出现在我脑海，
只是，那伤口没那么的痛。

我需要时间，
把一切淡化，
让它成为过去。

midnight

12 .45am as i look at the clock...time pass so far....i stil haven finish study for my exam next next day, bt now i feel emotion again.my thought keep appear n disturb me....many thing hav float on my mind....then causes me to be so emotion....ya...night time is the most emotional moment for me, and actually the best moment give me inspiration....it my golden time.....it the super best time to search my soul, the pathway i wan to take and why i live in the world...what is my propose of life....it seem like i still on the stage of searching identity which is adolescence stage...bt i m young adult now....it truth that i m nt mature....i know the fact and truth..by looking many aspect,my thinking still on the surface and din fall deep into...i m trying to understand and know me...finding who am i..mb this is one of the reasons i like psychology....by study it..i learn a lot of things about myself...i more clear the main reasons i study psychology...maybe according to maslow theory i m on the self-esteem stage...bt the destiny is the self-actualization....ooooo..it getting late suppose to zzz...tat is disadvantage of thinking too much at night coz it disturb me frm sleeping

at this moment..............

today i m filled wit emotion, mb there are some reason behind....i always cant control my emotion and been rule by it...no matter how hard i wan to supress it..it still appear.....ahrg...why it cant get out of my mind.....i think i shall learn the EQ management.....let forget about it.....let talk about my life....it seem everyday full of busy n piles of assignment, midsem, class, activities, facebooking.......everyday like running marathon, rushing do this and that....sometimes i also dunno what i m busy actually....i wonder i trying to escape many things using busy as reason....i noe in the busy i miss a lot of things, and actually many things are not running as schedule....should i stop, n think deeply about it? i seem live with my physical body without soul in me, it seem an empty inside me....somethings have missing....bt i dunno what is it? i feel empty even it look like full outsides.many thing actually cant be see by physical like our thought and feeling...what u can see just outsides....no one can understand a person, bt only u the one who understand urself better than no one else in earth..whatever feeling,suffering,happiness, sadness, angriness....and .....only urself know the feeling at the moment....no one understand even a person close to u! so, it hard to expect ppl to understand why u think like this, feel tat....coz no one gone through where u had gone...the path u taken never be the path of other......believe me, in this world, urself are the person most understand u.....

it all about - psychology

the more i study it the more i like it- psychology......i getting know more about our thinking...our behavior and many more..esp social psychology....which teach me a lot social knowledge which apply in everyday life....for sure i fall in love in social psychology....i so great able to study something i love and yet can apply in our life....actually psychology is like study of life....which i see my life more clearer and know much more the reasons hide behind every of my behavior and thinking....bt the true is i find out my passion toward it was nt that great...coz it dint bring me to the stage that i crazy and thinking abt it every moment like following a movie i like......mb becoz i face it everyday, every moment....n also all the assignment pressure,exam pressure....how good is no assignment and no exam....the study psychology will be very fun and enjoy....hahaha...i think psychology is a subject tat everyone should take...it can help a lt in many ways....bt i stil haven know to apply yet....

my laptop back!

it has been a long long process....i call to know process every week,i pray for it bc everynite,i think of it every moment especially when i need it to do piles of assignment...n i go through the down moment coz it has been a part of my life...without it, seem like missing something in my life....n the worst is i have to go cyber o com lab to do my assignment....after 1 month 3 week....finally it bc....while celebrate happy moment n welcome it bc....there unfortune event which my laptop power adapter lose!!! i did sent it to the person who repair my laptop bt they denied i did giv them.....

the life without laptop is very differ, i hav more time to do my things n nt addict to facebooking o surf net....in fact,i learn the truth and feel what the feeling of ppl who dont hav laptop at the begining of sem.....o some who nt afford to buy one....i hav to thank my parents who buy me a laptop before i enter uni, so i totally din feel the feeling of rushing here n there to do assignment n to surf net...it really make me feel i so lucky n xin fook...my parents hav give me so much n will fulfill most of my request ....bt i never realize and appreaciate it.....coz u never face the lost n need, u never know the feeling .....i m well protected n live in comfort zone......so...i shall nt blame god for nt provide me what i expect n accept been given.....

Back Home!!!

i look like a bird that fly away for certain period and today it time for me to fly back home. Everytime on the way travel back home or back campus, my emotion came. Each time back home, it symbolise holiday for me, after long period of rushing in busy life, back home actually provide me a space to relax my body and free from worry a while. Home is like a place for me to take rest before travel further. home also a place for me to finding my real self and also thinking for life. eventhough this process is continue but home is better place for soul searching and also evaluate my recent life...While back campus will symbolise a new begining of travel and also a frest starting to another part of life. I always like the feeling of new begining. This make me remember years back when every new started school season, i would wait eagerly and make all the preparation to back to school. I like to have something new like a new bag, pencil cases or etc as a new symbolise! But the begining of new semester for me is differ from schooling, which i not going to buy new stuff as symbolise but a new thinking a new motivation , a new goal. It very important because our thought determine how far we go. Everytime i wave goodbye to kuching, i will tell myself to do my best for this time and go further. both home and campus are my favourite place, i dun always think wanna back home as well as back campus. For me, everywhere is my life. No matter where u at, u still need to live, need to eat and drink, need to breath...etc...and i do always make myself live in present....live in the moment u at and enjoy it. For the moment right now, i m enjoying a cup of my favourite coffee and muffin at coffee bean while on9. Life was good, and i m waiting to flight back. Here i back, kch!

miss My FORM 6 life

Time flight , 2 year has pass....my form 6 life had pass almost 2 year...and it was the most memorable and wonderful period of my life..i miss my f6 life and i love f6....i wish time can turn back and stop at that moment....even though a lot ppl said f6 is very hard....however i really enjoy every moment at f6....i had to thank all my f6 friends...without them , the path of f6 wont be that fun and interesting.....i miss all of them very much....It make me remembered the tough moment i gone through together, we all discuss the question together, gossip together, went toilet together...n i miss the most is recess time....we will go canteen n buy a lot of foods ...which make me more fatter at f6....then we will share the foods and chat non stop..even the recess time has passed n teachers at class, we still act like we didnt see the teacher and enjoy eating...hahah...i had to thank our great teachers without them....i cant survive f6 killing question and exam...esp to muet teacher patricia...she is very good english teacher...she teach us a lot new things and she like our friend...she like to chat with us and share a lot of story and her experience with us... our chemistry teacher,tan tsen tsen...we like to call her full name....she is a very good chemistry..she can teach well and make the class more alive and we like to ask her abundance question and she always have the passion to answer our curiousity....n our PA teacher...i forget her name..but she is very humor teacher n we like to bully her....haha.....and when she saw the class become uncontrol then she will act very serious...ahh,forget to intro the crazy gang at class....actually our class divide a few gang .....my gang hahaha- su hui, the whole class would be silent without her...but once she at class..sure the class will be more merry....i having a lot fun moment with her...we did a lot thing together....make a lot crazy things....without su my f6 life must be dull and boring...i believe the class will less fun without her loud and noisy voice hehe.....jacqueline, julie, chin fang - all of them are having fun of bully me....pity me.....i have a lot of 'nickname' given by them...and a lot of rumour of me wit xxx...and our tutor chung bun , syie liung , lynn....the three genius....whatever difficult question i dunno to solve sure i will go search and ask them to solve for me....thank ooooo....before the story continue i forget to talk about the 'merdeka week' we have during nation day...we all been grounded at maktab penguruan for a week to practice choir and prepare performance for 49 th nation day at sarawak ....it such a wonderful experience i have ....about 30 ppl staying n sleep at a room...wake up at 3 am and start practice at 6am....at the padang merdeka...i still remembered one day while we practice...sudden rainy have make every of us become wet and lucky non of us get sick.....My f6 life not only limited in academic...i did join few club like counseling club-actually i take form 6 becoz i doesnt know what i want to further study..so i plan to figure out in 2 yr of f6...if i didnt join counseling class ,i wont know psychology and thus i still cant find the courses i like... f6 actually lead me finding my dream make me more clearer what courses i like .....i wonder what is my life without taking f6 ...it much be a big mistake or unfortune to miss ....i never regret take f6 even many of my friends think i wasting time ...join counselling club make me expose me more education issue, university and courses info which help me a lot in choosing which courses to study in future....thank to our counseling teacher ,miss lily....she give us a lot advice and treat us like friend....the most memorable counseling activity is gunung gading camp...which all of us having trip there.....we did trekking there....we have self cooked and BBQ party....and the most remembered is night i spend look up the sky and counting stars with one of my friend, we talk about dream...our future....it such a special night i have....the other club i join is VAD ( Voluntary aid detactment) the other type of bulan sabit merah....i join one of the camp call VAD FUN CAMP during the holiday...from the theme sure everyone know it is fun...haha...we have beach theme fashion show....and i saw a lot participates done a lot to look like at beach.....and chin fang surprise everyone when she wear like men and look so coolllll.....bt i din hav the pic to show .....she really cool and we all totally cant recognize tat cool guy actually are a Gal....she really success in hiding and cheat all the gal tat attract by her.....the ERT Club - cooking club....every friday we will go to school special kitchen.....we bake cake , make sushi , sandwiches.....and try a lot of differ recipe ....hahaha.....the first time i bake cake......everytime after finish the day cook...we will wait eagerly for the result of our cook.....n of course, hunger for the cook.....ERT also have a trip to mineral water factory....at there i learn that differ color cover of bottle have differ meaning,the blue colour will mean mineral water...while the white is drinking water......and it amaze me to see the process the small little rice shape....plastic turn to the 500ml size bottle......besides that.....my f6 is all about partying.....we got birthday party.......farewell party to our friends who go take teacher courses....and final farewell party we have..........finally......the story of my f6 is coming to end....actually i still got a lot story still haven .......write.......but all the memory of f6 i will keep it in my mind and share whenever got chance......that alll....about my f6.....bye f6....i miss f6 .....n my friends....all of us take differ path to reach our own dream.....and also enter differ uni....only su hui and chin fang are same uni as me....so great still have them with me...even we take differ course....but there always got a connection that can link us together -that is our f6 memory.......all the best to all my f6 friends...wish everyone have the sweet moment at university and still remember the happy memory we have.........

the HER that i admire

it been such a long time i din go read her blog...bt today...i wonder what make me go read her blog...it so long i did see her......she is very special person for me...after reading her blog i found out she doing well at her university...so great to know that.however i always know she can do well and perfectly in her life...it such lose nt going same university with her .....when i saw her...she always give me the momentum to go forward...she MOTIVATE me to be more better...hahah...however i did have my purpose and my own way of life... she will always the person i ADMIRE most!!

bye NATCON 2009!

The Big Family Pic....all the LC , OC AND also MC of Aiesec Natcon 2009

GreAt OC OC OC Team

Our role call: EVERYWHERE we go, People want to know, Natcon big, OC great, Mighty mighty OC team!!!
Natcon had ended few day,actually i wan to write about it but due to the tired and also busy with assignment make me haven have chance to write.....i really miss Natcon...Even though the process was tiring but actually i enjoy every moment of it....ya, really! i have a lot of fun in it. both pre natcon to natcon to gala dinner....the whole process was a good experiences for me......i learn how to apply the venue , how to plan and organise an events, how to find sponsor, how to cope with crisis, and etc..... i can see every of my oc teamate work hard toward making natcon a great sucess.....and thank to all my oc president -pang yei jun,....who is a great leader....to min hui who done a lot for natcon...to en wan n lay mei ...i enjoy working with u guy and tat what i miss the most....to helen ..without u natcon wont run smoothly...to eddie...u really done a great job in transport and other job ..to kelvin..nice to work wit u.....NATCON had end , but i enjoyed the process and i will keep all the sweet memory in my mind!!

选择???我做对了吗?

空虚的心灵,不却实的感觉,

我又走进黑暗中,又次迷失了自已!

我又再次的自问,我做对得选择吗?

在黑暗中,仿佛听见了后悔的语气!

其实我不该再问这个问题,既然无做了选择,

就不该往后看!

当我做这个选择时,

我很清楚的知道,

未来的路多的山坡,多么多的障碍,

做这个选择有如把自己放进热锅里,

自讨苦吃!

但,值的安慰的事是,

我主宰了我的人生,

我没把我的人生交给命运,

虽然命运告诉我这条路不能走,

但为了我所爱,为了做喜欢的东西,

我选择了它,也愿意付出代价,

以泪水,以汗水,

一步一步的向前走,

虽然到现在,

我所吃的苦,

只是一小部份,

但一点都不好受!

但生活有苦难,也有残缺,

但生活同样有幸福,也有美丽!

既然做了选择,就要勇敢走下去,

不管有多难,不管有多累,不管有多苦,

都要坚强走下来,做个打不死的小强,

我相信当我走完这条路,

我再不是以前的我,

我将会成为另一个我,

一个成长的我,成熟的我!

加油吧!

tough life!

Since i came ukm , my life getting tougher....before i came...i never use public transport coz kuching is small city, everywhere is connected and can be reach within few minutes...and i can go where ever i like..bt at here everything is differ, i need to wait until my neck turn long for the bus to come....which i face it today...i had waited the bus for an hour to go somewhere and when i back the same problem again...i wait another hour + ...ahrg i almost fired of waiting!!!! besides that, wherever i go i have to go through extremly long haul journey....usually take more than an hour to reach a place...so terrible when thinking the long hour travelling....it nt only break my dream to tour the whole kl when i realise that many hot places and shopping complex cant be reach with public transport...no tv for me to watch when i boring,and i have to queue up or wait to watch a tv programmes.bt at home,the whole tv is mine....i can watch whatever programme i like....besides that,i dun need to wait for take bath..at home i can take bath anytime..when the weather is so hot at room n i sweat a lot...with no other choice..i have to bear the hot day...but at home, i can switch on the air cond and drink glass cold beverages...emm how wonderful!!!.besides that , i learn to shop alone at here...while at kch, wherever i go i will with my best fren...we like to go new and special places to eat,and also go our usual hang out cafe and eat our favourite meal....we go play badminton once a week...chat at the badminton court after finish playing.....talk about life while eating.....at here, everything i had to pay attention on.. which my daily life is totally manage by myself...and it nt like at home, which every morning breakfast is prepare by my parents...and i dun have to worry how tall the mountain of clothes i have wear coz my mom incharge of laudry...i dun have to worry what or where to eat every meal....how happiness i m at home....if i never leave the comfort zone i never know how is life out there where u need to depend on urself and no one is helping u....i once read a book that tel me life is good teacher which it push us and let us grow...it true...the more tougher my life getting the more i learn the more i grow....undoubtly this yr is the most faster pace i took and more further i go...suddenly i miss kuching, miss my home, however i never regret to go far from home...no matter how tough the life...i will go through it...everything in my life need determination and persistent to face all the challenges...whatever challenges i will take it ....jia you !

Forgive Brings Freedom !

Today i read a book,then came across to this FORGIVE BRINGS FREEDOM!
and i totally agree with it.I know to do the forgiveness to someone who hurt u are nt easily task,bt forgive can make u feel relieve ,make u feel free....make u feel good....why u want prefer to bring all the hurt someone gave u until the last breath rather choose to forgive which will bring u freedom??? THE PRICE OF FORGIVENESS IS ALWAYS LESS THAN THE PRICE OF UNFORGIVENESS. despite the price that forgiveness requires,the price of unforgiveness is greater....however whether want to forgive o nt it still up to ur choice..i always choose forgive..coz i have an i-will-forgive-u-regardless-of-what-you-do-to-me mentality,cause i dun wan bear the suffer of unforgive people.besides i believe the person u forgive will feel better cause have ur forgiveness..believe me,forgiveness is an amazing things....let us practice forgive ...and also let go all the hurt u have....let toward 100% forgiveness mentality...Forgive bring freedom.

YOU HAVE THE SAME RESOURCES GIVEN TO ANY GREAT ACHIEVER

Life is an orchestra and you have the baton to direct the intepretation of life`s song.You have the same 8 notes from the scale given to Mozart,Bach and Chopin.

Life is a painting and you are the artist.You have on your palette all the colours of the spectrum -the same ones available to Michaelangelo and Da Vinci.

Life is an adventure story and you are the writer.You have the same 26 letters in the alphabet -the same ones used by Shelly,Milton and Shakespear.

YOU HAVE IT ALL~USE IT TO ITS FULL POTENTIAL.

i love ....

i love the environment near my block hostel....it so beautiful and so peaceful.....since my block at the top of the hill...i can view a lot beautiful scenery from there....it very wonderful place to stay and enjoy sunset....ya...one day after dinner i walked back with wai thing n en wan....it such a oppurtunity for three of us that we able to capture the beauty of the sunset.....it was so nice that the scene still vividly store in my mind..... today i stroll alone at the back there...i love to stroll alone...it calm my emotion...it bring me into my inner self...let me realise a lot of things and also the best moment for creative idea n life philosophies came across my mind....as i stroll , the breeze simply touch my whole body to give more comfort to me....which it symbolise blowing away all my problems and rain away from me.....in the quite moment ...i can hear the each step i make ...which gave me the feeling of living in moment....slowly i feel content....and relax....looking around me ....was green beauty which make me admire the beauty of nature.....at the moment my mind totally blank...free of anything...it like at the heaven...no doubt....stroll alone is a good terapy .......n i love stroll very much!!

Past!

This few day,
all my past came together.



when flip back ,
the thought in past.




it tell me many,
and it make me realize a lot.



something had change,
and it never return like before.




i can see,
past is gonna be history.




it getting far ,
far away from present.




even i try,
there always gap between past and present.




here i m,
making decision.





wave goodbye to my past,
begin with new future.




my dear past ,
u will free.




coz,
i will let u go.




time ,
will tell my past.





something that past,
never back again.




bye,
my past.



bye
(as tear roll in my eyes)

Home ~~

Maybe i have fly to long, Until i dunno how to back home, for the first few day at home, i doesnt have the feeling back at home, i keep asking myself, why don`t i feel happy to be home, what wrong with me, it look like i forget to bring my heart back.... but, today to very last few hour, which i gonna to left this home, and said goodbye to my parents, the feeling of home is coming back. suddenly i felt myself very lucky, who live in comfort zone, who being care like i was princess at home, who live in happiness, which i din take time to enjoy those moment. due to the fast n hurry steps i took, which always make me forget my own self,my origin... i forget to slow down my pace, and enjoy every moment in life. i love my mom n dad, i love my home, i wish i could be there with them, always with them, bt i have to leave them, to find a real me, a me that i can depend on myself, and could stand with my own foot.... i want to be an independent person, who can take care my own... i love being care by them, bt actually too much care can be harm sometimes, i want the grow in me. i wish this 3 year at uni, will make me a better person, i wish one day when i back here, i m nt me again, i m a better me.

FLY AWAY AND FORGET EVERYTHING!

wish i could fly way,
far frm here,
somewhere which i was a stranger,
no one can find me,
and no burden carry at my back.

wish i could fly away,
go somewhere alone,
a wonderful and peaceful place,
where only have happiness.

wish i could lose memory,
so that all the pain,
can get away from me.

wish i could lose memory,
so that i can forget myself,
n find a new me.

speechless!!hopeless!!helplessness!!!

many thing happen to me recently.....which countless
since it countless, of course i getting tiring....
i understand everyone hav differ thinking,
and oso perception to see on something...
the same thing,
one person can think as easy as abc
while the other think in very complicate way,
differ view differ opinion differ way of thinking...it look sort of normal
bt
i can make something worse...
like today i dunno how we express each other feeling ...
until we look like we use differ language .....
it like duck n chicken talk....
it never never never hav good ending
coz we both din try to listen n understanding each other..
look like both of us too stick to our point...
n at the end....i really speechless......
besides speechless i oso feel hopeless and helplessness............
i kind of feeling we getting far and far away...
nt only in our thinking bt also our heart,
i wonder how long this condition will going too,
both of us have our mindset abt each other,
it fact that we cant change ppl mindset,
if someone think we are like tat,
even u hav change,
the mindset in mind will remain same.
each of us talk like we are tat person,
each of us think like we are tat person,
bt actually we Are differ person,
and very very differ person....
i kind of hopeless how long this will continue,
i feel hopeless that my wish that thing gonna better
i feel hopeless.........
it seem it gonna sink n always become history ....and we never appear become like before....
time will pass,
soon it will become less intense ,to ignorance, to stranger......gua
mb will only to the lower level of hi and bye...
i feel helpless,since this wont in my control
i will let it go..........
like the ballon flew into air....
all the bad moment jus let it flew away.....
n the good always keep in mind......
whatever how it gonna be...
i will let god decide....
however i m ready to accept the worse....
bt i din wish it happen.

Friendship can be simple and can be complicated!!!

i dunno whether all of u agree that "actually friendship got many kind bt two main one is simple n complicated.it depend on what u think...in my opinion~~

simple friendship can be hi and bye fren , can be simple fren who laugh and talk whatever meet or can be trust fren who can exchange opinion.......and etc....

complicated frenship can be differ and always hav gap between each other...in other word is conflict, o other is gal anf guy frens who gonna become couple,...etc...

this has make me remember back form 2 & 3 period which i have simple n complicate friendship with 2 of them. my frenship wit z.h is consider simple fren who wit can share our life story and talk almost everything, while mine frenship wit s.h is complicated one who will keep argue and always have differ opinion.the three of us are very close each other...we are classmate n also always hang out together....that moment always sweet moment in my life.....wit two good fren....holding hand walk though that few year...i rmb we always go lib during recess,lib is our second home...we like being there....n thus we hav good relationship wit the lib teacher.....we gossip together....we are so close that we know each other family members.....and we always study together.....my friendship with zh can be said smooth and getting better.....while sh i did hav a lot arguement wit her,the most important is we hav big arguement until we din talk wit each other for nearly a month...so pity zh ,coz she hav to become middle person....however my friendship wit s.h still perserve even it not that good like before.....while z.h always my best fren and i share whatever thing wit her,i juz hope that the distance n busy wont influence our frendship....i did hope we can like last time 3 ppl get together and done all sort of things together...

ukm @ 1 year

time pass so fast.....i had been at UKM for a year....it make me remembered back the day i gt the offer from ukm....everything has change......nt according my plan...coz i gt course that i dun like...then i gave it a chance thus there i m .....come into ukm....it juz like a dream...i never thought of study at this uni before.. i came ukm with few of my hometown frens....everything start well...except that, i unable to hide my feeling of forcing myself study something i dont like...and also adapt wit strange n far environment ....it was my choice to go far away frm my home...coz i wan freedom...i don like this feeling of depend on family and want to learn how to live and care my own...since i hav grow up...i dont like to live in the shadow of my family ...i dont like to stay in comfort zone..coz life are not suppose to be smooth n comfort always...of course i did a lot effort to gain freedom frm my parents...i have to thank them ...coz of their trust and believe in me that i able to take care myself .....n i noe it hard to let for my mom to let me go......
at first ukm ,i gone though the tough mmp week...look like now is new junior coming in....n i gonna become senior very soon...ai,i m getting old....so fast time had gone n my junior year almost pass....i will miss my junior year...all the sweet memory.....it all so precious piece treasure for me....this year i had learned a lot of news things and also face a lot of challenge.....at ukm,many thing had become my first experience.....i really learn a lot and also grow up.....all the tough road have make me better n mature....when think back,all the bad n sweet memory i will keep it n think bc when i free.....













the first sem i study environmental science...the whole sem i struggle whether want to continue this course o change to psychology which my preference course ..i even think of changing uni... go utar n take psycho course there...since my cousin take psy course that....it encourage me to change uni that time...i did apply for utar during the intake in jan...bt at the end i din go coz of transport problem and the campus are too far and too troublesome to transfe...however,lucky i din go utar....if i choose go there then i will never have chance to study psy at ukm.....coz my second sem apeal change course to psy turn to be success...it such like a dream....that i never thought it will come true....i wonder whether it a good dream o a nightmare???the success of change course have become my life turning point....in first sem,the whole few month i struggle n fight wit my inner self...i feel i live the life i don like .....i have a dream but i din go to achieve it...this kind of feeling make me feel bad n self conflict and sometime i did blame myself...especially when i saw or heard how people willing go thought mountain n sea to achieve their dream........bt i din even make effort to go achieve my dream.....
















however i feel glad i did make second effort and appeal for second time.....and thank god.....i success get psycho on second trial....the moment i know i success...i feel so happy....this feeling was so strong and real and have disappear for such long....and it back.....bt i did hesitate whether want to accept o nt....coz i lack of courage and readiness to go though the process of paying to get what i wan....until now i did ask myself what make me so tough and determine and choose this path...mb it the love in psycho n also i wont like myself to regret whole life coz of nt choosing acquire my dream and also lose myself when force myself to walk path that i wont like........when i make decision to choose psy ...actually i hav prepare to go n ready to face what come in the way...i tel myself...nt to giv up even the sky fall down...
i did remember the day i noe i nid to take back all
the course i miss previous sem....i din cry for it...actually i did a bit regret













that time....in some sense....it look like i put myself in hot pot since i was in no worry situation if i continue environmental science......bt i choose this path becoz i really wan to study psy and i love it very much...the feeling of sacrife for thing u like really make u more appreaciate what u got in the process of achieve it..i really appreaciate and thank for giving chance to study psycho......it also make me proud n feel great becoz of the choice i make....n i proud to tell ppl that i m a psychology student..............bt i still appreacite the memory i hav during study environmental science....even it tough bt it left many impact to me....especially went to pulau kapas for field work...the first time do snorkling.....have a study trip.....and have a lot fun with my ex-coursemate......n also most unforgetable is first time being shock by jelly fishes...the first time get close with the beautiful and colourful coral reef and fishes.....after all, i never regret study environmental science...it make me feel more closer to nature.......










































the pulau kapas trip will always left many sweet memory to me....the fun moment with my ex-coursemate n to my nature lover lecture.....study environment science make me know more about our mother earth and also cultivate love to it...all abt environment issue catch my eyes n attention on that time.......i did thought if i continue environmental...i will make myself change my perceive and think myself as the earth saver who have the responsible to save us...and become angel....hehe........it the way to comfort myself to stay and move forward in this course........

my new life begin when i change to psychology......it started from the moment i got the letter of success appeal.....at here i would like to thank en wan.....she done a lot in helping adopt wit my new environment...she intro me to psy coursemate....and also borrow her note....n also teach me when i dont understand n tel me many things abt psy......besides en wan, i also wan to thank all my psy coursemate...they all are so friendly and helpful.....they make me feel warm n make me feel like we are a family....i so happy and glad to be one of psykid.....it sure pleasure for me.....


































































the psykids genting trip that we have reecently hav make every psykids more understand each other and deeply know each other....especially the 'pillow talk'......
.....i hope gt more such trip...it a good way increase the closeness between each psykids


Things that pass will gonna to be history the only left is the sweet memory in our mind....first year in ukm......hav left me a lt of new experience n memory....i look forward my second year n appreacite every moment of my uni life!!!!one important things is to life in present and enjoy every moment....all the best.!