My 7 yr school magazine~~

from volume 37-43 the palm....frm 2001-2007..........it was my 7 yr secondary school( smk green road) magazine..suddenly feel time pass so fast....my secondary yr has passed....all left was memory...it so precious and was a part of my development.....all this 7 books was so special and memorable magazine to me....full of pic of every class in school...article.....activities bulletin...etc....sometime when i flip through....it play back the old friends n old days....sometime i will wonder how all of them doing........where r them?hehe....mb i getting old gua....coz usually old ppl like to rmb back the days of their past ...oh my god...i at the state of ego integrity vs despair...which last stage of psychosocial - erik erikson.....i m old lehhh...hahaha.but it good to think old days....past...which i tell me how far i have gone...how much i hav grow??

back ukm!!

Tmr was time to back ukm.........it time to face reality again.......i have escape frm the reality ............assignmentsssssss and examsssssssss....ai...truth is i still feel heavy and lack motivate to continue the journey.......i know it is hard.....but i still need to face the truth....here i bc...........begin the journey of psychology...

挑战！！

我知道人生是充满挑战的，但是。。。。。我从第二年的第一学期开始，挑战一个接一个的考验我。。。。
每一天都是充满挑战的。。。。无数的挑战真的使我越来越无助，使我麻木了！！刚才，我和朋友一起出去玩。。。难得有机会，放慢脚步，轻松一下。。。。但因为开斋节的到来，使我们的外出冲满了各各挑战，而交通是我们最大的问题。。。不只。。老天不做美。。。。整天下着雨。。。。使我们成为落汤鸡！！！还好。。。。我们的计划可进行，只是。。用的时间较长。。。一却都很顺利的进行。。。我也看了一场戏，唱了四小时的k。。逛了几小时的街。。。但。。。。在我要回的时候，我发现我房的钥匙不见了!这次又来这么大的挑战。。。。哎。。。但我却很冷静的语气告诉我朋有：‘我钥匙不见了！’。。。我朋友用很怪的眼神看我一下。。。很怀疑的问我：‘你开玩笑吗？’。。为什么你看来很冷静。。。不像不见钥匙紧张的样子！！！可是。。。。我只说：‘紧张或情绪化又有什么用呢？？？能解决我的问题吗？我一直有一个信念。。。。无论任何事发生。。。自已要冷静下来。。。。可能我面对太多这种得突发事件吧！！使我已有了准备。。。。这只是我今天面对挑战的小部分而已。。。由于开斋节的到来，我又订了迟回的机票。。。我又要面对去机场的交通问题。。。还要面对一个人在没人的宿舍。。。讲真的,我有点害怕,尤其是在夜晚时！！但我要勇敢起来。。。。一直告诉自已。。。没有什么可帕的。。。。回想以前的我。。。。我会和爸妈撒娇。。。说害怕，要他们陪我。。。。但现在的我。。。没有任何选择。。。只好面对。。。来到这。。。我真的学会勇敢面对。。。无论挑战有多大。。。我还是去面对。。解决。。。没有什么东西是难得。。。只是在于自已。。。要不要。。。努不努力。。。。想不想去做。。。去解决。。。虽然我所面对的。。。可能对其它人来说，只是小部份。。。。但是对我而言。。。是我成功的一小步。。。也是我成长的一大步。。。

为了做而做！！！

当下的我真的感到我真的为了做而做。。。。。。。开着电脑，我一直往着我没什么进展的工课。。脑袋完全是空的。。。。我的心也是。。。我想尽快把工课完成。。。然后，我的假期不会那么的忙。。。我只希望自已能有一个休息的时候，让一切停顿。。。。可是我越紧张要赶完我的工课，我越觉得辛苦，苦的是因为不想再做下去，但内心一直的挣扎要我去做。。。。就这样我在这两个钟。。。一直在苦熬。。。。 但还是那一面。。。。无有什么进展。。。人却越来越累。。。讲真的，我不知道我在做什么。。。。那两个钟。。。。我为了做而做。。。。却不懂我做什么！！！我真的越来越不明白。。。。工课的意义在那里？？而那么多的工课是在帮我还是害我呢？？？真的不明白，为什么，教授总爱给我们一大堆的工课。。。。。。让我们吃不消。。。。而给了我们压力。。。。到底，我来大学是增加我的智慧，学习的。。。。还是。。。成为工课的奴婢。。。。唉。。。。

english!!!

i wonder why i feel so down right now....i been influence by emotion again....what cause my emotion arise? mb i know the answer .....is because i feel that i spoke broken english...improve my english is always my primary goal...it never fade in my mind...and i know how important english in our life...ya...but i wonder since when my english didnt seem to improve but to my horror is it is decaying ....due to lack speaking,expose, reading english material....i hate the feeling of going backward....o no improvement....i willing to face the reality to learn english no matter how hard..no matter how ppl laugh at me when i pronoun wrongly...no matter how discourage when u speak in front of fluent english speaker......bt nowadays, i seem no time to allocate time for my english improvement...and the worst things is my learning environment which make english improvement become hard task...which everyday i need to translate eng-malay...vice versa....i not really like bm...it truth that my bm is not good....n what else i can do...bm is a must in this country...my life now bring no choice to me.......what i study now is mostly malay...what i speak most in my life now...definitely not english....sometimes when the thought of studying my course using malay medium really torture me.....i need to search the translation n check dictionary .....n the most concern things is the quality of study in malay medium...which move our focus of mastering my course to do a good translation...n the worst is time wasted in translating....thinking about this make me feel more miserable...which we dont have the power to change the future...and we cant make any differ to it...even if we took action to change the medium of language but it will take time for university policy to be implement it...and that time ..i had been graduate....how sad ...since i cant change the facts, fate, policy, environment i at..the only thing is change myself...ya...i m flexible in changing....hope to see my small leap progress in improve my english....jia you!!!

不知道！！

我越来越不了解自已。。。。我真的不知道我要的是什么？？？当的到我想要的东西时，我并不是想像中的那么快乐，反而一点感觉都没！！！什么才能让我快了呢？？？我在想这真的是我要的吗？？？假如是我想要的东西，我应该高兴才对。。。。但我。。。。为什么？？？难道。。。。我只为了做而做，为了活而活吗？？？我好像不知自已，为了什么而努力，为什么活在这世界。。。。
眼看别人比自已更了解自已，我却是那个最不了解自已的人！！！！我是不是该停下脚步。。。重新来寻找我自已呢？？？

最近，自已好像活在自已的世界。。。我不想和任何人沟通，只想一个人，和社会脱离，活在自已的小小世界里。。。。不知为什么自已越来越来不喜欢吵杂的场面。。。。只喜欢独自一个人。。。我是不是得了什么独闭症呢？

那一个痛的记忆！

那一夜，
刻在心中，
时刻的回想，
痛在心中。

想了好多夜，
哭了好几次，
我知道，
这次我又跌好伤。

我不想信，
眼前的事实，
我不能接受，
这无法改变的事实。

为什么，
努力换来的是那样的成果，
为什么，
期待带来的是失望。

很想把这记忆忘掉，
但它已深入藏在记忆，
无论什么办法，
我还是放不下。

虽然过了一段时间，
但我还放不下，
今天它又出现在我脑海，
只是，那伤口没那么的痛。

我需要时间，
把一切淡化，
让它成为过去。

midnight

12 .45am as i look at the clock...time pass so far....i stil haven finish study for my exam next next day, bt now i feel emotion again.my thought keep appear n disturb me....many thing hav float on my mind....then causes me to be so emotion....ya...night time is the most emotional moment for me, and actually the best moment give me inspiration....it my golden time.....it the super best time to search my soul, the pathway i wan to take and why i live in the world...what is my propose of life....it seem like i still on the stage of searching identity which is adolescence stage...bt i m young adult now....it truth that i m nt mature....i know the fact and truth..by looking many aspect,my thinking still on the surface and din fall deep into...i m trying to understand and know me...finding who am i..mb this is one of the reasons i like psychology....by study it..i learn a lot of things about myself...i more clear the main reasons i study psychology...maybe according to maslow theory i m on the self-esteem stage...bt the destiny is the self-actualization....ooooo..it getting late suppose to zzz...tat is disadvantage of thinking too much at night coz it disturb me frm sleeping