english!!!

i wonder why i feel so down right now....i been influence by emotion again....what cause my emotion arise? mb i know the answer .....is because i feel that i spoke broken english...improve my english is always my primary goal...it never fade in my mind...and i know how important english in our life...ya...but i wonder since when my english didnt seem to improve but to my horror is it is decaying ....due to lack speaking,expose, reading english material....i hate the feeling of going backward....o no improvement....i willing to face the reality to learn english no matter how hard..no matter how ppl laugh at me when i pronoun wrongly...no matter how discourage when u speak in front of fluent english speaker......bt nowadays, i seem no time to allocate time for my english improvement...and the worst things is my learning environment which make english improvement become hard task...which everyday i need to translate eng-malay...vice versa....i not really like bm...it truth that my bm is not good....n what else i can do...bm is a must in this country...my life now bring no choice to me.......what i study now is mostly malay...what i speak most in my life now...definitely not english....sometimes when the thought of studying my course using malay medium really torture me.....i need to search the translation n check dictionary .....n the most concern things is the quality of study in malay medium...which move our focus of mastering my course to do a good translation...n the worst is time wasted in translating....thinking about this make me feel more miserable...which we dont have the power to change the future...and we cant make any differ to it...even if we took action to change the medium of language but it will take time for university policy to be implement it...and that time ..i had been graduate....how sad ...since i cant change the facts, fate, policy, environment i at..the only thing is change myself...ya...i m flexible in changing....hope to see my small leap progress in improve my english....jia you!!!